


Fuck off, assbag

by Lafayerson



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Sex, Feuilly is a ho, Fuckbuddies, M/M, Swearing, alternate universe-modern times, betting on Enjoltaire, did I mentioned alcohol, fistfights, like so much swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-11-14 17:18:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11212635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lafayerson/pseuds/Lafayerson
Summary: Bahorel forgets his keys. Feuilly is a ho. R is drunk. Bahorel and Feuilly fight, get kick out of the club, and fuck. Enjolras and Grantaire kiss.





	Fuck off, assbag

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy, why did I write this? Well I did and that means y'all have to read it. Also there aren't enough Bahorel/Feuilly fics on AO3 so I'm adding my own.

"Hey, Fuckface," Bahorel called from the hallway. "I forgot my motherfucking keys. Let me the fuck in." He waited a moment before pounding on the door again. "Hey, Cunt foot," he yelled. "I don't know what you think is more important than me, but let me tell you it's not." He pounded on the door again. "I swear to God, I will kick this God-fucking-damn door down." Bahorel aggressively rattled the door handle. 

"Alright, Butthole, I'm coming." Feuilly called from inside their shared apartment. 

"Jesus fuck, what took you so long?" Bahorel asked when a shirtless Feuilly opened the door. 

"Just finishing some...things." Feuilly said, zipping up his cut-off jean shorts. 

"Oh my God." Bahorel rolled his eyes and pushed pasted Feuilly into the apartment. "Okay, anyone in this apartment who is not me or Feuilly, get the fuck out." Bahorel yelled. A tall dark haired guy walked out of Feuilly's room. After he left, Bahorel turned to look at his best friend. "What was his name?" 

"Does it look like I know these things, dickwad." Feuilly replied. Bahorel looked at him disapprovingly for a second, until the two boys broke down in a fit of giggles. 

"You-you slept with him without even knowing his-his name." Bahorel laughed. "Bruh."

"I'm sure he told me, I just don't remember." Feuilly grinned at his best friend. 

"Jesus fuck, you're worse than me, fart fuck." Bahorel shook his head. 

"That's probably true, bitch butt." Feuilly agreed. 

"Do you want to watch a fucking movie or some shit?" Bahorel flopped down onto the couch. 

"Hell yeah." Feuilly agreed. "What the fuck do you want to watch?"

"Let's fucking watch, like, Batman or some shit." Bahorel suggested. 

"If we're going to watch a fuckin superhero movie we're going to watch The Avengers." Feuilly said. 

"That's calm." Bahorel agreed. "Jesus fuck, I need a fucking drink." He stood and went into the kitchen. He grabbed a random bottle of alcohol from their alcohol cabinet and walked back to the living room. 

"Hello?" Feuilly said, picking up a cal from Grantaire. "Sure. We'll be there in ten." He hung up. "Do you want to go to the club with R?" 

"Hell yeah." Bahorel said, taking a swig of alcohol. "You'll need a shirt for that though." Bahorel gestured at Feuilly's naked chest. 

"Ha ha, fuck off, cunt face." Feuilly rolled his eyes. Bahorel smiled. Feuilly ended up in a white crop top that barely covered his midriff. 

"Let's go get hammered." Bahorel said, walking out of the apartment. Feuilly looked the door behind himself.

When they arrived at the club they were greeted by loud music and a ten degree temperature increase. They spotted R at the bar and made their way over to him. "Hey, dudes." R said, half drunk already. 

"Hey." Feuilly said. 

"Yo, Bartender," Bahorel called. "Can I get a shot of whiskey and some vodka." 

An hour later the boys were completely hammered. "What the FUCK did you just say? You absolutely fucking sack horseshit?" Bahorel yelled at Feuilly because Feuilly said something against Khaleesi. "I will fucking fight you." 

"Come at me, cunt face." Feuilly retaliated. 

"Why doesn't Enj love me?" R slurred, completely ignoring the two boys next to him. 

"Square up, bitch bag." Bahorel slid off his barstool and pulled Feuilly off of his by the collar. Bahorel had the advantage of size, but Feuilly was small and fast. 

"Let's fucking got, ass leg." Feuilly kneed Bahorel in the crotch. This earned him a punch in the face. 

"FUCK YOU! Mother fuck bag." Bahorel cursed at him. Feuilly punched him in the stomach. Bahorel grabbed one of Feuilly's arms and twisted it around so the small ginger was facing away from him. "Take it back, shithead." Bahorel hissed. 

"Fuck no, ass bag." Feuilly kicked Bahorel in the back of the knee, causing the larger man's leg to buckle. Feuilly grabbed Bahorel's wrist and pulled until the tall brunette was on the ground. The two best friends grappled with each other for a few more moments until the bartender pulled them apart. 

"I'm gonna have to ask you two to take this outside." The bartender said. Bahorel had to physically restrain Feuilly from punching the man. 

"Let's go, punk." Bahorel slung the small ginger over his shoulder and carried him out the door. Bahorel carried him all the way to the back alley before forcefully throwing onto the ground. 

"Hey! What was that for, jerk?" Feuilly stood and brushed himself off. Bahorel ignored him. The brunette grabbed Feuilly's jaw and kissed him hard. Bahorel shoved him up against the wall and pinned the ginger's wrists above his head. Bahorel kissed and nipped at Feuilly's jaw and neck. "I must say, fuck you, my arm hurts." 

"Shut the hell up, cunt face." Bahorel mumbled into Feuilly's skin. 

"Make me, fucker." Feuilly smirked. Bahorel kissed him again. Bahorel popped the button on Feuilly's shorts and turned the small man so his chest was pressed against the wall. Again Bahorel pinned his hands above his head. He pulled Feuilly's boxers down revealing his pale ass. Bahorel prods at Feuilly's mouth with three of his fingers. Feuilly opens his mouth and sucks at them. After a moment, Bahorel pulls them out again. Feuilly yelped as Bahorel pushed a finger into him. Bahorel leaned over Feuilly's back and bit at Feuilly's shoulder, eliciting a moan from the small man. Bahorel added another finger and scissored them, stretching Feuilly out. Bahorel slowly added a third and fucked Feuilly roughly with them. "Just fuck me already, cocksucker." Feuilly groaned. 

"Fine, dickwad." Bahorel pulled a condom out of his back pocket. He ripped the package open and rolled it on. He pushed Feuilly's chest down more and pushed into the ginger. 

"Jesus FUCK!" Feuilly yelped. Bahorel grinned. "Let's get a move on." Feuilly panted. Bahorel pushed further in. 

"Fuck off." Bahorel groaned. He thrust roughly into the ginger. 

"Fuck ME!" Feuilly moaned as Bahorel slammed into him. 

"That's the idea, asshat." Bahorel panted. He thrust into Feuilly roughly, but steadily. 

"Oh shit fuck." Feuilly whined. "Fuck, go-go harder." Bahorel raised an eyebrow but moves faster nonetheless. 

Feuilly practically screamed when Bahorel hit his prostate. "Right there, babe?" Bahorel mumbled into Feuilly's ear. 

"Don't fucking call me that, fucker." Feuilly hissed. 

"Whatever you say babe." Bahorel kissed the patch of skin behind Feuilly's ear. 

"Fuck you." Feuilly growled. 

"Mmmm, I'm a bit busy." Bahorel smirked. 

"Just touch me already, bitchbutt." Feuilly rolled his eyes. Bahorel reached around Feuilly's hips to jack him off. "Oh Jesus Christ." Feuilly moaned. "Oh fuck, Bahorel, shit, I'm gonna, fuck, I'm gonna come-OH!" Feuilly yelped as he came over Bahorel's large hand. Bahorel's thrusts became more erratic and he, too, spilled into the condom. He let go of Feuilly's wrists and pulled out. 

"Holy fuck." Bahorel sighed as he leaned against the brick wall. 

"What the hell was that?" Feuilly looked pointedly at Bahorel. 

"Would you rather have had me beat your ass?" Bahorel raised an eyebrow. He took off the condom and threw it in a nearby dumpster. Feuilly pulled his pants up and examined a particularly large hickey on his shoulder. 

"Na. But thanks for that, shitface." Feuilly pointed at the mark. 

"You should see the rest of your neck." Bahorel laughed. 

"Fuck you, asshole." Feuilly rolled his eyes. Bahorel wiped the come on his hand onto the wall. 

"We should probably get back inside." Bahorel said, zipping up his pants. 

"Yeah. R is probably wondering where we are." Feuilly agreed. 

"Dude, you have a huge bruise on your cheek." Bahorel said proudly. 

"I hate you." Feuilly grumbled. 

"Love you, too, babe." Bahorel said, sarcastically. 

"Fuck you, asshole." Feuilly flipped him off. The two headed back inside. 

"How was the fuck?" R said when he noticed the hickeys on Feuilly's neck. Feuilly flipped him off. Enjolras, Courfeyrac, and Combeferre had shown up over the time that Feuilly and Bahorel went out to fuck and R must have filled them in. 

"It was great." Feuilly said. Bahorel smirked. 

"You are nasty as hell." Enj shook his head. 

"Oh come on, at least we release the sexual tension unlike some of us." Bahorel said, gaze flicking between Enjolras and R. 

"What?" Enj said. 

"Just kiss already. C'mon guys." Courfeyrac pushed Enj into R. 

"Fuck all of you." Enjolras grumbled. R threw and arm around Enjolras's shoulders. 

"Kiss me, Apollo." R said, dramatically falling into Enjolras's arms. 

"K." Enjolras said and kissed him. 

"WHOOO!" Bahorel and Courfeyrac cheered. 

"I believe you owe me 30 euros, cunt face." Bahorel said to Feuilly. 

"Fuck you, assbag." Feuilly begrudgingly handed Bahorel the money. 

"Yo, Éponine, you owe me 20 euros. Enjolras just kissed R." Courfeyrac yelled into his phone, smiling wildly. 

"Yo, drinks on me everyone!" Bahorel waved his new money in the air. 

"Woooo!" The group cheered.


End file.
